I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
