you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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