Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
