just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
