a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
