Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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