U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
