Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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