I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
