I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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