Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
