Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize