I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
