If i come over, it means nothing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
