Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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