you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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