I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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