i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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