im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
