I think my vagina is haunted
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
