I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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