I'm gonna have a badass scar
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
