I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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