What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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