This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
