Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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