Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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