I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
