Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
