Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
