Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
