He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
