Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
