felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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