you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
