i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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