It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
