My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
