The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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