At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
