Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
