when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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