I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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