Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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