my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
