you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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