Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
