Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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