I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
