I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I had to cum in my sink.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
