I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
