He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
