So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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