Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
