i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
