May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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