she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
