It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize