He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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