Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
