dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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