i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
