Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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