its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
