the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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