Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
