Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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