I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
