My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
birth control should be required to get into college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
