When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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