just tell him i said nine months
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
