Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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