my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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