im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
