Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
